We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
