Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want nice things and good sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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