forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
