Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
