Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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