YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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