We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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