So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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