Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
