What a fucking waste of an outfit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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