I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your cock deserves a montage
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
