Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
