Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
