She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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