Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
