Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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