I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
