never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He passed out mid-signature
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
