The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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