I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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