there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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