so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
PANTIES FOUND
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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