On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
