you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
