I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
