Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
