last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pants are for mortals
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
