Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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