maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pants are for mortals
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
