I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
