The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize