Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
