I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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