Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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