is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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