Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
