I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
