ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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