I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
