Say something about gay babies.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
