Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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