So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cockslap morals
I smell stomach acid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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