paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
