i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
