Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
BRING THE BAGELS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
