As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize