I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
