I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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