Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
