Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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