Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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