I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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