he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
