i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
