I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
