and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
