True but thats because hes a fetus.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
