I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
