As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
