i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
