you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize