And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
