I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
