p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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