no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
