Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
