after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
