Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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