Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize