Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
