A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
