you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
