So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
