Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
