I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
