i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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