She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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