There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize