If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
